Technorati Tags: seduction, speed dating, tips, ideas, fun, flirting

The reality is that many speed daters are actually quite successful and confident, but just have better things to do with their time than hang out at a bar. Many are busy executives who are running companies and would rather run their social life with the brisk efficiency that they command a boardroom.

Others are just adventurous, eager to meet a lot of people, and rather excited about trying out a trend that has been sweeping across the world. They’re the type that don’t let misconceptions ruin their opportunity to have fun. “The worst thing that can happen,” they tell themselves, “is that I wasted one evening.” But you could say the same for all the nights you ever sat at the bar and then talked to a woman who turns out to be underaged. (Speed dating organizers usually perform background checks on their participants.)

In fact, one might argue that it takes confidence and success to walk into a room of strangers and believe that a few minutes of conversation would be enough to seduce a woman into at least agreeing to a first date. In fact, believers in speed dating say that compared to online dating (where you can easily lie about your physical appearance and accomplishments), it’s the Olympics of Seduction. It’s a test of charm, impact, personality, charisma, and that gift for conversation that lets the other person think, “Hey, I want to know this guy a little more.”

Of course many of the secrets revealed in the lady magnet manual will help even a novice speed dater succeed. But ultimately, speed dating demands one basic thing from participants, and it’s the sense of fun. You do not go there smelling of desperation, thinking, “Oh my God I have got to get a girl now.” You enter that room, smile, and say to yourself, “What the heck. If I meet someone, great; if I don’t, then it’s just one night of my life.” Yes, one night. The worst thing that can happen is that you miss reruns on TV. You’ve got nothing to lose, except your own misconceptions.

And most men do believe that…or at least learn to act that, as they attend more and more events. The practice of talking to ten, twenty women in two hours boosts anyone’s morale, and more so those who went there with a high morale to begin with.

And then there’s the structure of the speed dating session. You’re grouped into pairs, and then the timer is set. In about 15 minutes you go through all the getting to know you’s that would normally last from an overpriced appetizer to an awkward handshake at her door. You don’t have to go through the stupid blabber about the weather or your respective opinions about the government’s international policy. Instead, you get short and straightforward answers to questions designed to reveal each other’s personality. Very efficient, no angst, and no time for awkward pauses. It’s shopping for women the way we normally shop for a shirt: take the list, zero in on the boutique, and never mind the wandering around the shoe aisles.

And then there’s the sheer convenience of it. Admit it—most of us get pretty tired of the nights on the prowl. Given a choice, most of us would rather stay home, watching a game. Speed dating lets us block off one evening to meet as many women as possible in the space of three hours. It’s less time consuming, it’s less expensive (those drinks at a favorite bar add up!) and it’s less stressful, too. You don’t have to think about opening lines or worry about gathering the confidence to approach a group of women (you know how, like wolves, they always travel in packs). You don’t have to think about what restaurant to bring her to, or if you have to take her out for coffee afterwards. You just jump into the whole thing. The only thing you have to concentrate on is not saying anything stupid in the 15 minutes allotted to you, but that’s definitely easier than not saying anything stupid in the three hours at dinner.

So why not give speed dating a try? It’s just one evening, and at the end of the session, you have (at the very least) the right to say that you’ve done something you never thought you would. And who knows, you might get lucky. After every speed dating event, the organizers collect contact numbers and then you inform them which of the girls you wish to see again. Then they handle the uncomfortable business of calling them up to ask if they’d be open to the idea. No humiliating phone calls. No uncomfortable silences. Now isn’t that worth signing up at least once?

Putting the date in context helps (you realize there isn’t that much to worry about, and whatever happens, the world won’t end). So does choosing a comfortable ambience and activity and practicing deep breathing techniques.  

But there are other techniques or tricks that can help you relax, too — things that you thought wouldn’t make any big difference, but have helped scores of lady magnets calm down before the big date.

First of all, try aromatherapy. Lighting scented candles has always been recommended as a way of seducing a woman (aphrodisiacs have been used for centuries, by civilizations all over the world). But it can relax you, too. Try an invigorating scent like peppermint, or a soothing scent like jasmine or ylang ylang. The candle will leave a delightful scent in the room that she will appreciate (if you get far enough as to be able to invite her over to your apartment).

You can also try scented bath products, specially designed for men but use ingredients that have been known to relax and to soothe. Needless to say, avoid the floral fragrances. You don’t want to smell like violets or vanilla, no matter how relaxing those scents are, because she’ll wonder why her date smells like a girl.

Aside from scents, pay attention to what you eat. Don’t take anything oily or greasy, wihich can exacerbate the queasiness in the stomach. And don’t even think about skipping that meal. You’ll feel light headed, and will probably lose concentration or focus when you need it the most. Besides, you’ll need your strength for later tonight (nudge nudge, wink wink). If you’re planning to drink, stay away from milk and cream-based dishes. They can wreak havoc on your stomach, and you don’t want to spend most of your date in the men’s wash room. Try a very light sandwich or crackers, and avoid any high sugar food that will lead to a sugar crash later on in the evening.

You can also try to work off the nervous energy in a positive way. Try a few minutes on the treadmill, or a quick brisk walk around the block. Exercise also has the benefit of increasing endorphins, which are responsible for the “runner’s high” and the feelings of euphoria and well-being normally associated with falling in love.  

You should also avoid stressing yourself out unneccessarily on your way to your date. Don’t leave the house so late that you’re worried that you might not make it to your date on time (and you won’t make a good impression if you keep her waiting!). Keep car keys by the door, prepare your clothes early on the day, be sure you have a full tank of gas (possibly gas up on your back to the apartment to change, rather than on your way to the date), and make restaurant reservations way in advance.  Planning a date can make you feel like you’re in control again.

Technorati Tags: dating anxiety, endorphins, dating advice, dating tips, planning a date, relaxation techniques